APOLOGIES TO A CUSTOMS OFFICER

At the LCCT International Arrival a few hours ago, I chose the Green Lane when going through Customs. As required, I put my luggage through the x-ray machine. The Customs Officer manning the monitor must have a great shock to see bras, panties and other feminine stuff. He did not see anything that is supposed to belong to a man. He was a professional and kept a very straight face. I guessed he has seen many strange things before.

I am a very straight person and cross-dressing is never a thing of mine. I wish I had the time to explain that to the nice Customs Officer. I would have told him that my own suitcase was overweight and I was travelling on an earlier flight, separate from my family. Instead of paying for excess baggage, I checked in my daughter's suitcase and they could share the excess weight.

I am sorry if I gave you a shock or unbridled imagination.

Labels: Customs, Mixed luggage

SYNDROMES

Reading the net and the local papers these past few days, I cannot help but feel that our nation is still afflicted by various syndromes. Even after 50 years of "Merdeka" we cannot shake off the afflictions.

We still have the Bangau Syndrome where we blame other people instead of ourselves. The Daily Denials. Sometimes Mother Nature or even God is blamed instead. Dig up the news archive or rummage your memory and you will find examples of the Bangau Syndrome.

Then we have the more dangerous Singapura Dilanggar Todak Syndrome. Smart people (including those that speaks the truth) or Whistleblowers will incur the wrath of some people just like in legends and the truthful souls will end up tragically. There are exceptions of course. The boy who saw the naked emperor in "Emperor's New Clothes" and said so, survived, I think. He might have escaped in the ensuing melee where the rest was too embarassed to notice.

The Information Technology, at one time encouraged and prodded by the government is now giving headaches to some people. Information is no longer the monopoly of a few. To these people, The Mushroom Syndrome needs to be applied. What is the Mushroom Syndrome?

Mushrooms are kept in the dark and fed bullshit.

Labels: Syndromes

POTTY ABOUT POTTER

Harry Potter's latest adventure "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" broke all publishing records in the US yesterday. 8.3 million copies were sold within 24 hours on Saturday. Carrefour in Mid Valley sold the book out too, much to Mimi's dismay. That should teach her something about planning.

I am sure all the major book stores in KL were planning for huge profits from the sale of the book. They were caught by surprise when the hypermarkets offered the book at a much lower price. They then refused to sell the book except to those who made prior booking.

What message is the bookstores trying to send to us? Are they telling us that we should not buy books at a much lower price? Whether it is Harry Potter or Hairy Crabs, Malaysians will go for bargains. What will the book stores do with the unsold copies? Maybe the magicians at Hogswart can answer.

Labels: Harry Potter

AN INTERVIEW WITH A TERENGGANU TURTLE

Location: An undisclosed island somewhere off Merang Terengganu.
Interpreter: Nyu-Ka Gar, Turtle Linguistic Expert and Telepathy Specialist, University of Brisbane
Transcript:

Radio Pencen:
May I know your name?
Turtle:
My name is difficult to pronounce in your language. I can see that our interpreter is having a massive headache already. Just call me Kulitbelakang.
Radio Pencen:
Ok Encik Kulitbelakang, how old are you?
Turtle:
I am still young, I am only years 60 old. My dad is still around. He is over 80 years old. He is lucky.
Radio Pencen:
How old?
Turtle:
I cannot remember. I am a turtle, not an elephant.
Radio Pencen:
You said he is lucky, why?
Turtle:
Nowadays, turtles die earlier. They get choked on plastic bags, they get caught in fishing nets and then killed....
Radio Pencen:
How do you feel about being cloned?
Turtle:
Cloned? Who wants to clone me?
Radio Pencen:
The government.
Turtle:
Why?
Radio Pencen:
Your kind is getting extinct and cloning is the answer.
Turtle:
Not sure about that. Have they cloned anything before?
Radio Pencen:
Well, they have cloned Dolly..
Turtle:
You mean Barbara Streisand? Hello Dolly?
Radio Pencen:
No, Dolly the sheep.
Turtle:
Sheep getting extinct too?
Radio Pencen:
No, never mind.....If you do not mind me asking, why can't you go forth and multiply?
Turtle:
I can't multiply, I am bad at maths
Radio Pencen:
You have a wife, don't you?
Turtle:
Yes....
Radio Pencen:
Aaaah, why don't you have babies?
Turtle:
I see that our interpreter is having a massive headache again. Ok, I will let you know why. My wife is a bit asthmatic.
Radio Pencen:
She cannot fulfill her wifely duties?
Turtle: Oh, she can...
Radio Pencen:
Then what's the problem?
Turtle:
Obviously you do not know about turtle mating habits...
Radio Pencen:
Tell me..
Turtle:
You sure you can broadcast this?
Radio Pencen:
Don't worry. Tell me..
Turtle:
First of all, we mate near the beach where my wife nests. When I have the urge, my wife is not around. She might be on the way from the Great Barrier Reef or somewhere. Otherwise she is off Redang with her Women's Club.
Radio Pencen:
You have Women's Club too?
Turtle:
We have our females, so of course we do....Anyway, when we do get to mate, we males like to do it underwater and we do it for a long time..
Radio Pencen:
How long?
Turtle:
Between 6 to 10 hours your time...
Radio Pencen:
Wow!
Turtle:
Why do you think turtle soup is popular?
Radio Pencen:
It is?
Turtle:
Anyway, since my wife is asthmatic, she kept on wanting to surface. I got tired of holding her down...
Radio Pencen:
Why don't you do it on the beach?
Turtle:
We lose the agility and besides, on this beach, you get caught "tangkap basah" for making love....

Labels: extinction, turtles

WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY BABY

This grabbed my attention very early this morning. Now we know what our "bocor" MPs watch.
Art imitates life. If you can call the bulk of our local TV drama art they mirror the society or what is perceived as our society. As mentioned by the Deputy President of the Screenwriters Guild of Malaysia (as quoted by the Star) "We are not interested in gender. When we write scripts we want to portray real-life situations. Our dramas are about the daily realities of life. If we portray women as all good, it would not be exciting for our audience. We look for stories that sell." Thus we have clueless datins, evil stepmothers, wayward daughters, conniving and greedy "the other woman" etc. ad nauseam.

Maybe we should watch programs where women are not stereotyped. CSI maybe? James Bond has Judy Dench as "M" but those are movies. What about "Friends"? Ooops, they have a dumb woman in there. "Desperate Housewives" portrayed many female characters. One is a boss. At least one is uneducated about sex (BreI think). Cant think of any other programs at the moment. I watch a lot of documentaries and nobody complains about stereotyping female crabs or lemurs. So you ladies out there, please help me out. While you are at it, ask yourself why are they using a lot women in commercials?

Labels: gender sensitivty, tv scripts

CYBER WHAT?

I guessed most bloggers would have read about this.
I am not sure about the "cyber war" part though. Which blog declared war on anyone? Since when is giving your 2 sen's worth an act of war? So you do not agree with the fellow. You declare war?

Everything is about perception. Perception is a matter of belief. Human beings do not see with their eyes. They see with the brain. We have to imagine all the things we 'see'.

For the brain can't access optical views of the outside world.

[the photons we think we see are actually stopped by back of eye - any external photons getting into the brain are just passing through, like hard radiation, cosmic rays etc.]

What does arrive at the brain - is a picture suggested or imagined by the `old' or `lizard' brain, then re-assembled by the brain's own neurons for our `conscious' brain to view.

It's all due to the way we - and all advanced mammals - have to wire-up our brains following birth.
(Go here for more)

Everything makes sense if you are already brain-washed.

Labels: bloggers, Perception