BLOG-BASHING

Above is Malay Mail's Saturday 29th July issue. The headline "BLOG-WASH" played on the word "hogwash" meaning:

hog·wash (hôgwôsh, -wsh, hg-) n. 1. Worthless, false, or ridiculous speech or writing; nonsense. 2. Garbage fed to hogs; swill. The sub-head (or whatever they call it in Journalism schools) reads "EXCLUSIVE SURVEY REVEALS MALAYSIAN BLOGGERS TALK BOLLOCKS!" Unlike bloggers, I guessed newspaper people cannot use "cock" which is more apt because "bollock" means: Verb 1. bollocks - make a mess of, destroy or ruin; "I botched the dinner and we had to eat out"; "the pianist screwed up the difficult passage in the second movement" bobble, bollix, bollix up, bollocks up, botch, botch up, bumble, bungle, flub, fluff, foul up, fuck up, louse up, mess up, mishandle, muck up, ball up, spoil, muff, screw up, fumble, blow go wrong, miscarry, fail - be unsuccessful; "Where do today's public schools fail?"; "The attempt to rescue the hostages failed miserably"

"Bollocks" do mean "rubbish" in certain quarters but surely not in a newspaper with an old history.

I do agree that bloggers writing are sometimes worthless, nonsensical or ridiculous. My own blog is a very good example. But you cannot accuse a blog of being false. They might get their facts wrong or mixed up sometimes but they are as real as Maya Karin's boobs. I hope the Malay Mail did not confuse blogs with fora. In a forum people might say false things. You know, things like people asking to meet another people etc which are later known to be untrue. Blogs sometimes have comments though. Some comment pages are like fora too. People say something, other people respond. The owner of the blog do not control what people say. Unlike newspapers, owners of blogs do not have GEIC or even an Editor. The most owners can do is delete comments after they have fed babies, water the plants, pacify mother-in-laws etc.

Most blogs are personal spaces. Like your personal spaces, you do what you like with them. You put up journals, raves and rants, photographs, songs, cures for constipation...whatever. Nobody should tell bloggers what to put on their blog. Blogs are not newspapers. Of course this does not mean that all applicable laws on slander etc do not apply to bloggers. No bloggers that I know ever claim that they are above the law. Bloggers are after all ordinary citizens who, when MSC was first mooted, were promised that Internet shall not be censored. I am sure newspaper guys can dig this up from their archives. But then, the trend nowadays is to retract agreements and break promises. That is not the bloggers fault.

My eldest daughter argued better on this. I inherited just a bit from her. Read her Thursday 27th July post.

By the way, if blogs are hogwash why is the NST (at one time a relative of Malay Mail) nurturing MoNSTer?

DEAR YUS

(I call Sufi Yussof, the Special Assistant to Tun Dr. M, Yus. His dad and I are good friends and colleagues)
Dear Yus,
It is refreshing to note that people are fighting over Tun instead of fighting with him. Nevertheless, the consequences left much to be desired.
To ease your parent's mind, I would suggest you requisition ample supply of the following item. Use it and probably persuade Tun to use it too. Helps to avoid the stink too.

Salam,
Uncle TMA

BLOWIN' IN THE WIND

When Bob Dylan first sang this song, he was very much younger and so was I. To those who weren't around yet at the time, I give you the lyrics to peruse and sing if you can. You will find this still very relevant.

"Blowin' In The Wind"

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man ?
How many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand ?
Yes, how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned ?
The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Yes, how many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea ?
Yes, how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free ?
Yes, how many times can a man turn his head
Pretending he just doesn't see ?
The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Yes, how many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky ?
Yes, how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry ?
Yes, how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died ?
The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Sing and pray until the carnage in Lebanon & Palestine stops. It is better than crying.

REAL NEWS

I thank everyone who left comments in the previous post. I am sorry if the posting is not very clear in nature to make a few think that it is a real news. It is a tongue-in-cheek thing and it is supposed to make you think. Thanks again everyone for commenting. Today, I will give you some real news although I would advise minors and unmarried people to go elsewhere.

The STAR today ran a story from Reuters on page 41 (World Section). I could not get the link from Star Online but managed to unearth it from Reuters.

Most of you are too young to be bothered by impotence (yours or your partner's). This is the physical and literal impotence that is addressed by the article. I know most of us are bothered and annoyed by the figurative impotence suffered by some in the country. We will not deal with that right now. We will deal with the thing that will not rise to the occasion. You know, when it is time to naik haji (or hajjah as the case maybe), it goes limp. The male might go limp once in a while due to exhaustion or mental stress. You might not be so frisky during Income Tax time and this is no cause for worry. But as the study said, if nothing is stirring for a long period of time, the reason might not be your wife's new deodorant but it could be your heart. Again, the literal heart. The organ.

Even though man's erogenous zone is the brain, the penis needs blood to make it hard. The brain, like your PC's CPU will send appropriate amount of blood to the cavities inside the penis. The heart pumps the blood around. And Razak King, let me tell you again, you did not faint because you got a massive erection.

So what did we get from the news item? The men have a built-in heart meter, or heart-health indicator. The springier the needle, the healthier the heart. Take care of your heart and your dong will take care of itself (except for mildew and jungle rot).

NEWS WE DO NOT WANT TO READ

KUALA LUMPUR 17 JULY - The Government will build a Film Center of Excellence somewhere on the outskirt of Mumbai, India. A Government spokesperson said the center is to leapfrog Malaysia's film-making to international standard after being repeatedly bettered by films from Korea, Thailand and Singapore.

Films produced in Mumbai will also "be better received in Malaysia because it will not be local films anymore."

When questioned on the choice of Mumbai as the location of the center, the spokesperson gave several reasons:

1. Proximity to Bollywood and its vast technical expertise
2. With the increase in electricity tariff and petrol, it is cheaper to produce films there
3. Actors and crew would be more comfortable with food in Mumbai than , say, in Hollywood
4. Veteran actors and crew can get betel-leaf (sirih) more easily in Mumbai
5. Air Asia will soon get landing rights to Mumbai or thereabout.

The cost of the center could not be ascertained at press time but the spokesperson gave an assurance that it will be cheaper than the center in England as the cost would be in rupees.

The relevant minister would not comment, opting instead for elegant silence.

- BENAR MA

WORDS THAT PASSED ME BY

Today's STAR (link below) told me that I, like many computer addicts around the world, am a mouse potato. The same article pointed out that googling is officially a verb and probably for the sake of gender equality, there is now a male equivalent of bimbo. Ladies, please take note of the word himbo.

Last night while sulking over the demise of my bedroom's aircon, I checked my e-mail. There was a message from Macmillan English with the Word of The Week. The word is WOW to describe the wives and girlfriends/boyfriends of the tennis players competing at Wimbledon. There is no new word coming out of the FIFA World Cup though. Maybe we should alert Macmillan on the meaning of referee kayu.

Following the links sent by Mcmillan, I got to the Top 40 Most Popular New Words of 2005. There are so many words that I missed. There is deshopper. This is the word to describe a shopper who bought something, use it or copy it and then promptly return it to the store. Then there is dooced. This is of particular interest to bloggers. If you get sacked because you blog about your workplace, then you are dooced. Remember the airline stewardess that published overexposed pictures on her blog? She got dooced.

The page also draws attention to the chemical weapon developed by the US Air Force. We heard of smart bombs but gay bomb is something new (to me at least). Apparently the bomb, when exploded will disperse chemicals that will make the soldiers get distracted by other soldiers. What will they think of next? Homosexuals made me think of metrosexuals. Metrosexuals, as you already know are men who are very fastidious about how they look. Marketers identify metrosexuals as their target for male makeup, accessories etc. One famous metrosexuals is Beckham. Most, if not all metrosexuals are narcissists. There are metrosexuals who are different though. These males care about causes too and are very committed to them. Thus a new word was coined to differentiate these men. The word is ubersexual. Bono is an example of an ubersexual.

If the preceding words are new to you as they were to me, go read about them in the Macmillan Dictionary page. The link is below. Have a nice weekend.

The Star World Update 8/7/06

Macmillan Top 40 Most Popular New Words

BEING GRATEFUL

Sometimes it is difficult for people to be grateful. Let me share you a story that my friend Som sent me.

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment.
She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.
There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me.
I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.
The next day at school one of my classmates said, "EEEE, your mom only has one eye!"
I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear.
So I confronted her that day and said, " If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?!!!"
My mom did not respond...
I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger.
I was oblivious to her feelings.
I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.
So I studied real hard, got a chance to go to Singapore to study.
Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own.
I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts.
Then one day, my mother came to visit me.
She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren.
When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited.
I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house and scare my children!"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared out of sight.
One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house in Singapore.
So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.
After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.
My neighbors said that she died.
I did not shed a single tear.
They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.
“My dearest son. I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to Singapore and scared your children.
I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.
But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you.
I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.
You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye.
As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye.
So I gave you mine.
I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.
With my love to you,
Your mother.

Many of you, I am sure have given up more than an eye. Some might not get the gratefulness that is universally expected. Such is life.