Di Bawoh Rang Ikang Kering
Random Ramblings of A Retired Retainer


Sunday, March 02, 2008

It is only 5 more days to Election Day and some of you are getting desperate.
Some of you might be tempted to seek help from bomohs. You might be frustrated enough or desperate enough to want your opponent’s left testicle/breast to quadruple in size, throb painfully and hang askew. That should stop your opponent from badmouthing you or exposing your dark deeds elegantly. My advice is, don’t do it. Generally bomohs do not owe allegiance to any mortals and most go for the highest bidder. Chances are, the bomoh might reverse the spell on you. Worse your victim could find a greater bomoh who could move your private parts from your crotch to the middle of your forehead. If this happens and you win nonetheless, you have to wear an underwear on your head which will land you in trouble because it goes against the Dress Code of your Dewan Negeri/Dewan Rakyat. Of course you too will have difficulties in the Yang Berhormats urinals unless you are a midget (physically, hopefully not intellectually).

Another drawback of using bomohs is, as any barkeep will tell you, people full of spirits are highly unstable and unpredictable. Just watch the denizens of bars, bistros and other watering holes and you know what I mean. With unstable bomohs you might end up in several pieces like a late YB that I knew. May he rest in peace.I am sure entering The Dewan in several separate pieces is frowned upon, if not totally unacceptable.

So what do you when you need extra help? You have to seek higher powers. No, I do not mean your party president. Ask for divine help. If you are sincere in what you do, God will help you. So, if you know of suitable doas (prayers), start reciting them. Otherwise you have to look for a reputable guru to teach some prayers to weather the storm. The problem is most of this gurus, although free, impose strict conditions. The pantangs include speaking the truth all the time. The gall of the guru. Politicians telling the truth all the time? You can live with that? Well and good. You might make it into the record as the first truthful politician in the country. You deserve to stick out your tongue at all and sundry. Show them you do not have a forked tongue.

But there is a hitch. You have to recite the doa for 40 days. No breaks allowed. By the time your body and spirit assimilate the power, election is already over. Tough. Well, nobody says politics is easy.

Incidently, politics=poly means many, ticks means bloodsucking creatures.

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