WISHY WASHY

I stood at my balcony smoking a cigarette that tasted less and less good. I peered at the night sky, trying to look for the Petronas Twin Towers hiding behind the uncompleted buildings across the road. In a moment of silliness, I scanned the Kuala Lumpur night sky for a falling star to wish on. None fell. The distant lights of Genting Highland winked, mocking me.

The curious cat in you might wonder what I was wishing for. No, I didn't wish for a million dollars. I knew God would not give me that much because I could not count. I had difficulties counting the four rakaat in prayers. I did not wish for world peace. I leave that to beauty contestants. I just wished for a subject to post on. There are days like that. Mental constipation. Bloggers Block.

If you are in a wishing mood, you should be in Rome. Throw coins in the di Trevi fountain and wish away. Bring your own coins. Wishing for coins to throw is against the adage of "When in Rome, do as the Romans do". The Romans bring their own coin, so must you. Roman men pinch bottoms too. I do not know whether you should too.

If for one reason or another, you could not be within throwing distance of di Trevi fountain, and still wish to wish, look for a wishing well. They are a bit difficult to find in Malaysia. The few wells you might come across would be jealously guarded by kemban-wearing and heavy timba-wielding Amazonian makciks. Throw anything in their well and you would wish you were somewhere else. There are telaga buruks - old disused wells. Unfortunately, one or two were already used for P.Ramlee movies and not wishes-friendly. The rest became refuse refuges.

So you are left with shooting stars. Hunting for them in the murky Malaysian sky takes a lot of luck, good pair of eyes and extreme gullibility. But despair not, there are other things to wish on or wish with. Go into any KFC outlet, eat some chicken and you might end up with a wish bone. You and your partner can then grab one end of the wish bone and make a wish. Eating alone might not work. You can also look for Aladdin's lamp. Then you can wish for a partner to take to KFC.

They say you have to be careful of what you wish for. One guy found a genie and wished for a million bucks. The genie brought him a million ducks. Hundred years in the lamp made the genie a bit deaf. Another guy, a perennial failure with the ladies asked the genie to make him very close to ladies. Genie turned him into a ladies deodorant stick. But the story you must always bear in mind is the one about the cowboy. The cowboy was out riding one day when the horse reared and nearly threw him off. He saw that a rattlesnake was the culprit. He took out his gun to shoot the snake. The snake stopped him, claiming to be a magic snake and would grant him any wish. The cowboy believed the snake and shortly asked that his sexual organ be turned to resemble the horse's sexual organ. Piece of cake, said the snake and told the cowboy that his wish would come true the moment he wakes up the next morning.

The next morning, our cowboy woke up and excitedly threw away the blanket to look between his legs. His scream could be heard all the way to the Indian Reservation:
"Ohmygod!!!! I forgot I was riding Nellie yesterday!"